The day earlier, Shian Klassen had just threatened me as a 15-yr-old with homelessness and ex-communication from Christian Centre Church, its school, my entire community, and my own family. Jim Lee seemed to recognize that I had something (or someone) that I was feeling protective of. For those who knew me back then, there was one person I was inseparable from – my little brother Mike.
Jim asked me the next day to meet with him and asked why I wanted nothing to do with the adult Canaan Land program I was sentenced to as a 15-year-old kid by my church/school. I tried my hardest, but failed, to attempt to advocate for myself and my disabled little brother and our single parent, and how they both needed me at our home. I wanted to be there with them, not in this gulag!
Just the day before, I desperately tried to convince Shian Klassen that this adult-intended Canaan Land program in Big River was not the place for me as a 15-year-old. As unequipped as I was, I knew that now I HAD to convince “warden” Jim Lee that my priority was my family; my single-mom and my disabled brother legitimately depended on me daily. I had no doubt that the abuser-in-chief, pastor Keith Johnson, had zero plans to provide any replacement care for my physically & mentally disabled brother in my absence. I also knew that my single parent would be shouldering the entire load of caring for my brother on their own.
The morning after I arrived at Canaan Land, “warden” Jim showed no compassion for my family situation. The only words I could muster as tears of frustration emerged were; “Please, Brother Jim, I need to help my single parent take care of my disabled little brother Mike at home instead of being here!” Still, he denied my desperate plea, and instead he sermonized to me that my family will be “just fine without me” if I use my faith for them instead of thinking about myself – as though I was just an unnecessary part of my family’s life. Jim told me to “use my faith” and believe God will help my brother and single parent at their home while I served my juvenile sentence in the year-long Canaan Land program.
The only words I could muster as tears of frustration emerged were; “Please, Brother Jim, I need to help my single parent take care of my disabled little brother Mike at home!”
The first letter my single parent was allowed to send to me in Canaan Land was deemed to be “contraband”. They wrote about how my sudden removal from their life was causing them to feel symptoms of depression and stress in their home and work life. Since I wasn’t allowed to respond to this “discouraging” letter, I never got the opportunity to tell them that I was going to just tough it out for the next year so that I could return home ASAP and help them as soon as the cult released me from this place.
A few months later, my single parent ended up requiring surgery and was in hospital for an indeterminate amount of time. Strangers from Saskatchewan Social Services were arranged to come to my parent’s/brother’s home since his only caretaker was now in hospital. I wasn’t permitted by the church to go home and help comfort and care for my brother, so I had to stay at Canaan Land in Big River. The caretakers apparently showed kindness to my brother while he suddenly found himself in the complete absence of his entire family. Unlike the church/cult leaders, these complete strangers gave him the love and care he needed at that time. I received little word about the situation and I was left with the worry of my brother being alone and confused without the family he knew and took comfort with.
Unlike the church/cult leaders, these complete strangers gave him the love and care he needed at that time.
As my brother’s 13th birthday came and passed that June with the kind strangers, I distantly longed to be with him just to check on him and help him know everything’s okay. I was only a couple of hours away, but it felt like I might as well have been across the globe.
Ever since that experience, I haven’t missed a single birthday celebration with my awesome bro and our parent. The absolutely joyous look on his face every time we gather together as he recognizes me is so immensely heartwarming! I believe that the love and joy he shares with us today has drowned out any pain he might remember from those decades ago. For that I am so greatly thankful.